Remember When: A JERSEY SHORE Retrospective

Last night’s episode of Jersey Shore took me back, back to a better place — and that better place was 1st season. So much was different! And while this season has had its ups and downs, the 1st was perfection. We didn’t know our valiant characters yet, so everything was a surprise. And everything seemed so pure! So untouched by the evil world of reality (tv)! Almost makes you want to go back and remember some of the memories that seem like distant memories where we’re at now. Oh, wait, we can. Remember when…

Snooki almost left the show?

via huffington post

Oh, god, how different our lives would be!! Snooki from beginning of first season made Angelina look like a saint. A prissy, chubby brat, we were almost excited to see her go. The girl was borderline retarded, and it seemed like we wouldn’t get a single honest moment from her the whole season. Well, look where we’ve found ourselves now! We’re obsessed with Snooks, and she happens to be one of the funniest characters on the show, if not THE funniest. Turns out, the dumbest first season broad is back with the most self-awareness, and between her loyalty to JWoww — and now her guilt over the Sammi/note situation — she’s the best friend anyone could hope for in that house. Oh, and she hooked up with Vinnie. Which is a Snooki we all want to see.

Sammi was hot shit?

via inetgiant

The Situation AND Ronnie were all into this… wait, really? Yep. Sammi Sweetheart as she called herself (now, it’s more like Sammi the Nap) broke all the boys’ hearts back in the day. She’s thinner this season, but her energy level is 0 and she doesn’t have the same sass that made us kind of like her last year. That girl next door Jersey cuteness has been replaced by a skeletor with no self-respect. You hear that, Sam? NO SELF-RESPECT.

Ronnie wasn’t a douchebag?

via the hollywood gossip

Ronnie was adorable when he had his crush on Sam. Remember how he used to get in a fight EVERY EPISODE defending her honor? He even went to jail, but was still cute as a button. Now he’s a-cheatin’ and a-lyin’. Poor Sam. Guess she ain’t what she used to be.

The Situation WAS a douchebag?

via the movie line

He told poor, post-anorexia Snooki to eat some more rolls! Ouch. He also incited JWoww to punch him in the face in Atlantic City when he refused to escort her back to her room. Now he’s everyone’s confidante, and won’t hesitate to tell the truth to his “good friends,” a la telling Sammi the truth about Ronnie. Guess all it took was that 5 million dollars he’s earning this year to get him to a moral place.

Pauly D and JWoww hooked up?

via i love camping

As in, she touched his penis. What! JWoww was such a flirt before she was Miss Hands Off with boyfriend “Tom.” Poor guy had to watch his big-tittied gf cheat on him over and over 1st season, but it looks like she’s learned her lesson. Now it’s all about her boyfriend Tom and her girlfriend Snooki.

And THIS happened??

via mtv

We’ll just leave that one there.

-MM